Popping bubbles

Archive for April, 2008

In fear and hope

Posted by bloggila on April 24, 2008

Fingers pressed on the pulse of the soil, inhaling its strength from the connection forged between generations of dead and living souls, lies s(he) face down. The fevered body assailed by zips and zooms of synaptic activity, breathes its pallor into it, desperately seeking shelter within the source that bore its seed.

La il’a ha illAllah -There is no god except Allah …sighs the liver, declaring its faith to the tongue which devours the flesh of the brother.

The forefinger rises to state its testimony against the masturbating neighbour.

Hack!

Justice has prevailed. Neither the perpetrator nor the witness are left standing. One acted, the other spread the word, and hearing him the rest imagined its deliciousness more than the reports proclaimed. They indulged.

Look! There go the monkeys, resplendent in their unknowing bestiality.

La il’a ha illAllah – There is no god except Allah…trembles the down that laces the midriff. The chin upturned that spurned the mendicant bows low this instant. Perhaps the horn will blow now, this very instant!

Afraid yet shameless, the rosary turns, mouthing ambition and gluttony.

The floating kerchief whisks past the head, resting nought till it completes its trajectory to the ground.Propelled by seconds and minutes and days, it pleads “Mercy!”

But once had its soul whispered in its infantile crib, “La il’a ha illAllah – There is no god except Allah”.

For that night of unhindered remembrance and untainted humanness, there came unbounded clemency.

Aspiring for the devotion of that one remembrance, cries the soil to the face pressed in to its bosom,

“La il’a ha illAllah – There is no god except Allah.”

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Questioning

Posted by bloggila on April 6, 2008

People in Pakistan spend most of their lives taking care of the elderly. There is no time to be young and enjoy things like marriage and children: whether it is in-laws, or parents or relatives who have no families of their own, a set of older people are allotted to each of us. Career is an indulgence at best if it does not generate enough income to meet the financial needs of the household. Culturally the first priority is family, then work and hence it has never been financial success that have been upheld for role model emulation but selfless sacrifice. Fatalism overrides all impulse because this world is temporary after all, an illusion and nothing else. I accept this latter as Truth, and yet my self can not help but rebel against it. The surest path to Allah is poverty yet the struggle to beat it is considered the accepted way of life. My wanting a PhD, to be a renowned scholar, to have a happy family — by Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jilani’s definition all these are nothing but conceits of my ego. I believe him. To be in Pakistan despite my ambition, is more out of my sense of responsibility to my family rather than as a service to Allah and yet, accepting that responsibility also comes from accepting the code Allah has prescribed. Being here affords the opportunity to give to people all of yourself but I don’t do it without begrudging it. Therein is my problem. I don’t accept my trials with my head down. I should accept my lot. My lot currently is to serve people at the expense of my career and what my materialistic self would like to see my life as. We’ve decided to ask our parents to bring Chacha to live with us. He doesn’t have long and I can’t help thinking that I too, will die alone, just like him. How much is this our trial and how much is this our mother’s? Are we really being unfair to her by trying to absolve ourselves of our guilt? I wonder.

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