Yesterday

Yesterday I waded chin-deep

Into the arms of cloying waves

I wondered how the salinity would taste in my lungs

Its coldness chilling its way around my heart

I went to give myself to the sea

At its shore, I was afraid of dying.

Yesterday I flogged myself blue

Searing every love-bite with a welter

For having loved you in earnest

For letting your persistent hands claim me completely

As they deign not to dirty themselves on my illegitimate flesh anymore.

Yesterday I lay prostrate

Pounding my head on the floor

Cleaving your God from mine

For yours loves you always

And mine has a queer sense of justice.

Yesterday I complained to God about you

I shouted and raved

Ravaged with my sorrow, cut up with my grief

To what avail?

Yesterday I wrote you my suicide note

I wept so quietly I broke into a sweat

I looked into your eyes and found myself nought

Yesterday, I knew you wouldn’t call.

Yesterday I hated you as I wrote this

I send it today because it’s a brand new day

And I love you, as always.