Yesterday I waded chin-deep
Into the arms of cloying waves
I wondered how the salinity would taste in my lungs
Its coldness chilling its way around my heart
I went to give myself to the sea
At its shore, I was afraid of dying.
Yesterday I flogged myself blue
Searing every love-bite with a welter
For having loved you in earnest
For letting your persistent hands claim me completely
As they deign not to dirty themselves on my illegitimate flesh anymore.
Yesterday I lay prostrate
Pounding my head on the floor
Cleaving your God from mine
For yours loves you always
And mine has a queer sense of justice.
Yesterday I complained to God about you
I shouted and raved
Ravaged with my sorrow, cut up with my grief
To what avail?
Yesterday I wrote you my suicide note
I wept so quietly I broke into a sweat
I looked into your eyes and found myself nought
Yesterday, I knew you wouldn’t call.
Yesterday I hated you as I wrote this
I send it today because it’s a brand new day
And I love you, as always.
